Sleeping with the Light On Part 1

[Matts_Dudette]

Hey everyone,
I'd like to introduce a fan fiction I wrote when I was enjoying the sunshine in Wales. This is the "moments" for Busted fans- but it's a totally different storyline. But be warned, this fan fiction is very sad! I enjoyed writing this, no matter how sad the idea of it coming true made me feel. I could extend my writing- and I hope you like the results. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. There is no mention about girlfriends in this, just Busted- a tragic fan fiction. Trust me you’ll cry buckets, I did while I was writing it!

Part One ~ Prologue ~
It shouldn't have happened the way it did. There was so much left to learn, so much left to do. But you can't change fate- and Busted learnt that the hard way. The way things turn out is never easy. You've always got to fight, hope and pray that things will go your way. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes the odds just aren't in your favour. You can't help anything that happens naturally, because that's just it- it's natural. You can't change the past, but you can cry over it. You have to learn from what happened. This is a story when it would sometimes but very useful, to be able to change past....

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Two ~ The Early June ~
"Thank you Wembley- and Goodnight"
Beaming with exhaustion from that particular- and the entire tour- Mattie Jay jogged off stage and instantly flopped down backstage, just spread out on the floor, breathing hard. "Wow!" He cried, grinning up at his bandmate James Bourne who was peering over him.
"You alright?" James laughed, helping Mattie to his feet.
"Yep! Buzzing though!"
James was shocked as Mattie pulled him into a hug and danced him around backstage.
"WOW!!" Charlie Simpson yelled, joining in the last-tour-night celebrations with his bandmates. "That was... wow!"
James Bourne nodded, his grin a mile wide. It was an amazing bonding moment for the group. The three different people reunited to entertain people. The group hug came completely naturally to them, falling next to each other- arms wrapped around each other. They could still hear the cheer of the crowds.
"Okay lads, break it up! Come on, we need to get you guys out of this place!" Their manager, Fletch, yelled. They broke apart and headed back to their separate dressing rooms. Mattie, Charlie and James walked into their own dressing room. While Mattie was getting changed, he thought, tears filling his eyes. "I wonder if Charlie and JB feel the same?" Mattie then thought. "Oh I'm sure they do- JB was getting emotional last night and then we still had one more date to play. He's probably sobbing at this very moment!" Mattie giggled at the very idea of it- James was the lease likely person Mattie knew to suddenly burst into tears, if it would be anyone- it was going to be Charlie.
"Okay Matt! Come on... what, you're not changed? What have you been doing? Look, just change your top- you haven't got time to change anything else!" Fletch barked.
"Why do we have to leave so quickly?" Mattie asked, slipping another top on and squirting deodorant under his arms.
"Because there's a large group of fans waiting by the main exit- we've got to go through before it gets any bigger." Fletch answered shortly.
"Okay, okay," Mattie mumbled, pulling a jacket on and running a brush through his short, brown/blond hair. "I’m coming..." Mattie and Fletch came out of Mattie’s dressing room as James came out of his dressing room; both of the members wrapped arms around each other as the adrenaline of the show slowly dripped away and were left with an awesome feeling of tiredness. "You two have changed!" Fletch laughed, slowing his step to walk with James and Mattie. "Tired..." Mattie murmured, burying his head on James’ shoulder.
"Fletch- a little help here... he's not exactly light!" Slinging Mattie's other arm over his shoulder, Fletch tutted loudly and grinned across from Mattie to James. "You popstars- think you're big tough guys when you come on stage- now you can barely keep your eyes open!" James was relieved to spot Charlie walking in their direction- surely Fletch would shut up now all of Busted was here? "Hey," Charlie said, looking worried. "Is he okay?" Mattie stood up, yawned, but nodded. "Yep, I'll survive- I hope!" The three, surrounded by bodyguards who had a brilliant ability to just appear walked out onto the warm June night. All three started sweating from the sunlight. James felt Charlie’s arm round his waist as Busted was bustled passed the fans. "Thank you!" Charlie was yelling, still surrounded by bodyguards. They made their best effort to wave to fans, but they were tumbling through the fans like a rugby scrum. "Okay!" Their chief of security, Richard, was yelling above the fans. "Charlie, James and Matt in the car. Come on, lads keep moving!" When shoved inside the car, James and Mattie had plenty of time to wave to the fans. The car pulled out of the arena, and now- exhausted fell back on the comfortable seats. "What a gig!" Mattie was saying, hopping up and down. James nodded in agreement and tried to look happy, but his eyes were itching from tiredness. He fumbled in his pocket for his mobile, remembering his promise to call his mum when they'd finished the tour. "Who you calling?" Mattie asked nosily.
"My mam." James said simply, holding the phone to his ear. It beeped once and then went dead. "Battery's flat." James groaned. "Can I borrow yours?" Mattie shook his head,
"Had it taken off contract- and I've forgotten to top it up." He said apologetically. James held his hands up and shrugged. "It's cool... I'm so tired... sorry Matt and Charlie, but I'm gonna have to be rude and fall asleep!" With that, James put his head on the window and closed his eyes. Moment later, he was sleeping peacefully

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Three ~ The Beginning of the End ~
"Brrr... cold..." James looked up into Mattie’s eyes, "Aren't you cold?" He demanded, motioning Mattie’s long-sleeved but thin tee-shirt. "Fecking freezing," Mattie admitted with a giggle.
Standing for a long time, James was shaking, clutching his jacket to his arms. "Where is Charlie with the car?" He thought out load, his teeth chattering from the cold. Finally, the recognisable blue Porsche car pulled in front of them. They all piled into it shutting the doors quickly. James, who'd gotten into the front passenger seat, turned the heating up as high as it would go. "Hey watch it! Don't break it!" Charlie gasped, watching in horror as James tweaked the knobs on the car. "It's bloody freezing Charlie! Sub-zero temperatures you know." "Oh don't be so melodramatic," Charlie scolded, glancing at the temperature gauze on the display. "It's two degrees outside- that isn't 'sub-zero' JB." James pouted and shot a look of daggers at Charlie. "Why do you always have to be right? It's so infuriating sometimes." Charlie grinned, pulling the car onto the dual carriageway.
"We're going to be late," Mattie said from the back seat. "Who cares? It's only a pre-record... and we've got 20 minutes." Charlie said, feeling like the other two weren't grateful for his offer of a lift to London Studios. "But the drive takes at least 40!" Mattie cried. Charlie gritted his teeth, stopping himself from saying something he'd regret- and accelerated. "Happy?" He said. Mattie glanced at the speedometer and his grin fell. "Charlie! You're doing 90 on a dual carriageway- you're going to ****ing kill us! Slow down!"
Charlie slowed instantly, knowing his idea had worked perfectly. Mattie wouldn't have a go at him about being late anymore. Mattie dozed, and James was chatting to Charlie- the time flew by. Soon, they were at the studios ready to pre-record a performance of their new single ‘Sleeping with the Light On’. The recording took all of ten minutes, and they were soon back in the car but instead James went into the back of the car with Mattie.
"It's still cold in here," James muttered, reaching over the front seat to fiddle with the gauges once more. "James!" Charlie chided, leaning down to fiddle with the gauges. What happened next, they'd always have trouble remembering. Charlie- distracted- had missed the turning of the dual carriageway. Cursing, he'd stopped the car abruptly and spun around. The road had been encrusted in ice thanks to the freezing weather, and the car had spun out of control. All three of them started screaming. James reached over the front passenger seat again as he was sitting in the back with Mattie and grabbed the handbrake and yanked up- but no effect. Charlie was trying to control the car, bit it wasn't working- nothing was... They all saw the approaching car at the same time. The car must have been doing about 70- and showed no sign of slowing down. As their own car spun, they all held their breath- waiting for the crash that was completely inevitable. The other car must have noticed them then, as they stood hard on their brake, it did more harms than good- both cars were now slipping on the ice. Charlie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. James and Mattie somehow huddled together leaning forward. The car spun, and with a sickening CRACK they hit... James managed to see the fear in Mattie’s eyes before everything went black.

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Four ~ The Silence ~
Charlie was dreaming. He was stepping out onto the stage with Busted, hearing the cheers of the crowd. His whole mind was spinning, his heart heaving with happiness. Then he noticed the white light above the arena, and slowly he realised he wasn't in the arena... he was in bed. A very uncomfortable bed at that...
He opened his eyes, squinting.
"Oh God! He's awake!" Charlie heard his mum's voice cry, then a moment later felt hands on his.
"Mum?" He croaked, in a voice that was like he hadn't used it for a while.
"I'm here son," she whispered. Charlie couldn't see clearly, but he could see tears glinting on his face.
"What... happened...?" Charlie tried to sit up, but a pain hit him so hard it knocked the breath out of him.
"Ow," He winced, leaning back.
"Just sit still", a nurse Charlie hadn't yet noticed said. Charlie realised he had drips in his arms... and a bandage on his foot... what the hell had happened?
"o you want some painkillers?" The nurse asked, interrupting Charlie as he opened his mouth to ask what had happened. Charlie nodded, his eyes still blurry, but good enough to focus on her face and smile. "Okay, I'll be back in a moment. Mrs Simpson- please don't tell Charlie everything, he might not be ready for it."
Charlie's mum nodded and the nurse moved away.
"What does she did mean- 'everything'?" Charlie demanded, sitting up again and ignoring the pain. "Careful!" His mum cried, "You've broken your collarbone Charlie, be careful."
Charlie nodded briskly, "What does she mean?" He demanded. "What’s happened to me?"
"You were in a crash," his mum said simply. " You and the rest of Busted. A serious car crash- very serious Charlie, you're lucky you were able to walk away."
Charlie felt stunned. "What happened?" He asked once more, his memory failing him.
"Your car slid on ice. Another car crashed into the side of you.. Your car went over a cliff-face, well, not exactly a cliff- but an embankment, 30 foot in the air you hurtled down it... do you remember anything?"
Charlie felt tears in his eyes, and he shook his head furiously. He couldn't remember anything.
"Who was driving?" Charlie asked.
"You were." His mum said simply.
"The lads...?" He croaked. Charlie would swear he saw his mum wince.
"Mum? What happened to them? Are they okay?" he demanded, tears falling from his eyes. No... his best friends... surely they were okay...
"Oh Charlie. I don't know how to tell you this..."
When Charlie walked into the hospital ward, wincing in pain, he noticed James instantly. He was connected to all sorts of drips and monitors- his face paler than normal.
"Oh God," Charlie cried, tears running down his face. He fled to James’ side sitting down on the chair that was vacant. "JB..." he muttered, burying his head on James’ body- sobbing into him.
"Excuse me? Are you family?" A nurse asked, appearing at James’ bed.
"No." Charlie’s mum croaked. "But this is James’ bandmate- Charlie, they were in the same accident."
The nurse nodded. "Charlie?" She said tentatively. Charlie looked up, his eyes red from crying.
"o you want to know how James is?" Charlie nodded.
"He's... well, he's badly injured. He's got a punctured lung... we had to operate immediately- but he's okay. We're keeping him in a drug-induced coma, it just that we think his body can’t function alone."
"Is he going to be okay?" Charlie said emotionally.
The nurse smiled and nodded, "Yes, he is- he will be. No permanent damage. He'll have problems breathing for a few weeks, and that leg will cause him some pain for a while. No stage diving for him," she smiled. Charlie managed a weak smile- for the nurse's benefit.
He glanced at James’ leg, which was heavily bandaged. "Is it broken?" He asked.
"Yes, when he's conscious we'll put plaster on it."
"When will he be conscious?"
"Well, we've taken him off the drugs now- he should wake up soon."
Charlie blinked. "Now?" he asked, sounding confused.
"Charlie- the accident happened three days ago. You've been unconscious for all that time," his mum whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Erm, Mrs Simpson- is Charlie fully aware of the accident? I mean, what happened to his other friend?
His mum shook her head furiously.
"What happened to Matt?" Charlie demanded, standing up but taking the weight off his damaged ankle.
"Just tell me what happened." Charlie demanded.
"Charlie I think you should sit down," the nurse said, gently lowering him into the seat. "Actually, come to the family room..."
"What's happened?!" Charlie yelled, tears streaming down his face.
"What's happened to Matt?"
"If James is here- where's Matt?" Charlie sobbed.
"I'll get a doctor, please wait in the family room."
Charlie kissed James’ forehead, and whispered, "I'll see you soon"- dripping tears onto James’ face. Then he followed his mum weakly.

"So Charlie- I understand you've been informed of James’ condition?" The doctor asked.
Charlie looked at him, trying to read him for signs. He was young... and obviously intelligent... he wasn't giving anything away. "Yes." Charlie said simply.
Charlie asked, “What’s happened to Matt? It's Matt I want to know about."
"Tell me about Matt." Charlie said stubbornly.
"Okay... Charlie..." The doctor looked sad, and Charlie felt tears threatening.
"I'm afraid... Matthew... Matthew didn't survive."

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Five ~ The Accident ~
James reached out and grabbed Mattie’s arms. "Hold on!" Charlie was shouting. "We've been hit!" James was crying now, uncontrollable sobs. "Omigod- we're going to be knocked off the road... look!" James suddenly said. All three of them looked. As the car spun, it neared the edge of the steep embankment. They could see the field below, but not well- it was too far down. "o something for **** sake Charlie," Mattie cried, fear tinging his voice.
"I can't! I'm out of control!" Charlie was whimpering, tears running down his face, James and Mattie pulled towards each other, clutching each other like they were each other's lifelines.
The silence that followed was unbearable, but unbreakable. The car hit a tree, and spun off down the embankment. No one screamed. No one cried for help. They were awaiting their fate. The car slipped, falling down the embankment- then it flipped. James and Mattie were thrown hard against the roof of the car, the force itself knowing James out. "JB!" Mattie cried, grabbing his friend as they slumped forward. Then they hit. The ground loomed at them with a sickening thump. They all screamed.
Glass shattered, flying through the car at an awesome rate. They rolled. Once, twice... them all being thrown around- against the shattered glass and into the car. Then they stopped.
All that was left of the three members of Busted, was silence. A silence so quiet, it was deafening.
No one moved. All three bodies lying limply against the car. Charlie, his shoulder hanging out of the socket and his ankle twisted underneath the pedals of the car. Mattie, still holding James in his arms- his seatbelt hanging uselessly around his neck, his head smashed against the window. James slumped in Mattie’s arms and torso twisted uncomfortably. The silence continued.

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Six ~ What Now? ~
Charlie broke down, sobbing, crying uncontrollably. "No.. not Matt... not Matt..."
His mum put an arm around him. "Not Matt... Busted’s nothing without him!" he turned to sob in his mum's arms. "How?" he said after a moment.
"The sheer impact of the fall killed him, his brain haemorrhaged instantly. He died at the scene." Charlie broke down once more. "No... He can't be dead... he was young..."
"It's a terrible tragedy." The doctor acknowledged.
"I know," Charlie’s mum said sadly, still comforting her weeping son. "The three of them were so close... closer than friends, closer than brothers even. They lived their lives as one... as Busted... Matt and Charlie were particularly close, but I dread to think how James might take it."
"James knows," the doctor said sadly, "He was awake at the scene, he's the one who called an ambulance. He knew Matthew was dead- he told the police that, in fact... I'm told that Matthew died when James was in his arms.
James blacked out soon after making the call, he could barely breathe... with his lung and all... but it's a good job he woke up. Otherwise I'd be sure they'd all be dead now. Charlie was bleeding badly- James needed oxygen and lung apparatus- but it was too late for Matthew..." Charlie looked up, still crying.
"JB... knows?"
The doctor nodded once more. "James may not remember because of the drugs... but I'm sure he would, it's so harrowing.
"He was crying uncontrollably during the phone call- he was begging for the ambulance to come as quickly as possible to save his other two friends." Charlie blinked and guilt overwhelmed him. What had James been feeling? He had been alone, in the pitch black, KNOWING his best friend was dead and not sure about the other... how could he ever recover from that?

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Seven ~ Alone ~
When James awoke, his head was pounding and he could barely breathe. He was bent in Mattie’s arms... Mattie... James didn't know what had happened, but from the crumpled car- he could guess.
"Matt?" He said tentatively. It was agony... he couldn't get a deep breath...
"Matt? Charlie?" He cried shrilly. Silence. He could see Charlie breathing if he squinted. Now Mattie...
He couldn't see Mattie breathing. That particular fact bounced around his mind, agonising him with worry.
"Matt?" he whispered, his lungs hurting so much he thought he was going to die in pain. "Matt?" he said hoarsely. More silence... nothing... "Matt? Come on man. Come on bro. Talk to me." he said tearfully, shaking his friend.
Check for a pulse, his memory told him. James didn't want to... he was scared he might not feel anything... But he made himself reach a hand forward. He pressed two fingers to the exact spot he'd been taught to on Mattie’s neck... nothing. He pressed harder, tears falling down his face. He couldn't actually make a crying noise- his lungs wouldn't let him, but he had tears falling. James counted to a minute, and still he felt nothing... Mattie was so cold, his body limp, his skin had lost that shine... that shine that showed someone was alive...
"No..." James sobbed, "no... MATT!" he yelled, but the pain crippled him. James’ mind went clear. He knew Mattie was dead- he had done from the moment he'd regained consciousness. His concerns turned to Charlie; he pushed grieving for Mattie to the back of his mind. He groped for his mobile phone, then remembered the battery was flat. Cursing, he saw Mattie's mobile phone on the floor- fallen from it's position on the dashboard he remembered Mattie telling him about having no credit- but surely 999 was free. He dialled and was relieved to here it ringing.
"Hello? Emergency services. Which service do you require?"
"Ambulance- and police! Look I've been in a car crash, my friend has been killed... and I'm not sure about the other... you have to help..." James sobbed.
"Oh God," he heard the operator mutter. "Okay, okay. Calm down Sir- I'll put through to the ambulance station and I'll get on the police. Where are you?"
"In a field somewhere near the M26..."
"Okay, thank you for being precise. Now keep calm, I'm putting you through to the ambulance service."
James heard a click and than the ambulance services picked up.
"What's the problem?"
"It's my friends... we've been in a car crash- it's serious." James relayed their position.
"Okay. I'm sending an ambulance now, but stay on the line. Okay?"
"Uh-huh." James murmured. The pain in his chest was becoming unbearable.
"What are the injuries?"
James broke down in his soundless tears once more.
"I'm pretty sure my friend, Matthew, is... is..." he couldn't bring himself to say 'dead'.
"Okay I understand. Any others?"
"Yes, Charlie Simpson- Charlie is in the front. I think he is breathing, but I'm afraid he is bleeding... badly..."
"Okay... and what is your name?"
"James Bourne."
"And your injuries?"
"I can't breathe well, and my leg is agony..."
"Okay Sir. Can you breathe at all?"
"With... great... difficulty..." His head was spinning, his breathing becoming more and more irregular. Then, he passed out.

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Eight ~ Sharing The Pain ~
"Would you like to see James?" the doctor asked. "I have heard he has woken up now from his coma. He's experiencing the same feelings as you- maybe you two could help each other?" Charlie nodded.
"Okay.. can you walk?" Charlie, still fighting back the tears, shrugged. He felt weak... completely drained.
"Okay. I'll get a wheelchair..."
Moments later, Charlie was wheeling himself into James’ side room.
"Charlie!" James cried. Tears were immediately running down both of their faces, Charlie stood up and they flung at each other. "id... you... hear.. about... Matt?" James sobbed. Charlie nodded, crying so uncontrollably that he could barely breathe. They clung to each other, both experiencing the same feelings. Disbelief, sadness, tragedy but most at all... grief.
Grief so overwhelming, so painful. More painful that any of the other injuries they'd experienced. For the last few months Mattie Jay had been a constant part of their lives. He was there, 24/7- holding them, singing with them, playing jokes on Fletch, laughing with them... everything. Absolutely everything. Their best friend, how could he really be gone? How? But the most overwhelming question was WHY?

[Matts_Dudette]

Part Nine ~ Mattie ~
The cheeky smile, the mischievous laugh, the funny expressions he did with his face, his teasing wink, the sound of his voice, his fabulous sense of humour... everything. The whole essence of Mattie Jay filled them both. Charlie could recall the day met perfectly. He'd been waiting anxiously to meet the new members of Busted. Then James had walked in, closely followed by Mattie. It struck Charlie how young he looked- he can only have been about 18- but he was grinning wildly and looked so excited. As the months passed, Charlie and James had experienced more of their ‘brother’. He'd made a big impact on them. He was an amazing songwriter, obviously good looking, an excellent singing voice and could play the bass guitar brilliantly.. they were impressed. Slowly, he became a friend as well as a bandmate. They could both remember Mattie’s face when they'd discovered 'You Said No' had entered at number one. Sheer and utter delight- he'd almost been crying he was so proud. They recalled his powerful vocals on ‘Loosing You’. The way he'd sung it with such power, like he really cared. James felt awfully sad when he realised Mattie would never feel a love so powerful as Miss McKenzie. He'd never be able to be loved so deeply... he'd always dreamed of finding the perfect love. They could both still hear the screams he received on tour, the endless 'Mattie' chants and the funny banners displaying the things fans would like to do to him. He'd been a bandmate, a guide, a mentor... a friend... They both looked at each other, knowing Mattie would never die. His memory would always live on; burning alive within the remaining members of Busted's heart and fans who'd loved him so deeply.
Loosing Mattie would break their world. Everything the two members of Busted knew it would change. Life without Mattie. But Mattie would never die. He wouldn't die and be forgotten. His essence would live on in all the people's lives he'd touched. Just because his light had gone didn't mean his memory would.
They'd miss him. Of course they would. He'd leave a gap inside them that no one would ever to be able to fill. Every time they heard a Busted album, or thought of a performance- they'd see Mattie. Although his physical presence wouldn't be there, but he'd be there in soul. Neither of them knew how many hours passed, but sun set and rose. Mattie Jay the person might have moved on- but Mattie Jay the memory would not be gone for a long time yet. Charlie and James turned to look at the setting sun, setting on another day with Mattie. The same words came to them; the same thoughts filled their heads...

~ ‘I feel Matt, slipping through my fingers now he’s gone I’m sleeping with the light on. And sharks swim through my veins now that Matt’s gone I’m sleeping with the light on.’ ~

THE END