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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 18, 2004 4:31:21 GMT -5
“When I was at school, I had a minder with me all the time. I needed a lot of help with really simple tasks and my attention span was next to nothing. The doctors thought I had a condition something like ADD- Attention Deficit Disorder. I got so used to always having someone around me that, at 16 when they thought I was just playing up and left me on my own, I had an inner hatred for them all. I wouldn’t talk to anyone and no doctor could give me a proper diagnosis. When I was 18 I craved attention so much. I planned in my head that I would somewhere get back all the people who left me on my own.” I nodded, signalling for him to carry on. “In about, January it was 2 years ago, I walked through this alley at about half 4 when I saw this girl in front of me in her school uniform. I walked closely behind her and I could hear Blink 182 blaring out of her earphones.” As he was talking, I began to think things over in my head. I got him to carry on with his story. “I know that if someone had of done something sooner the I wouldn’t have done what I did to that girl. All I’d wanted was for someone to pay attention to me.” I looked into his eyes and saw them glistening with tears. “I got right up behind her, bunched my hand around a small rock I’d found and smashed it down on her head. She went straight down. I picked her up and took her to this park near by. For a long time I just sat staring t her thinking, ‘Yeah, now I got someone’s attention’. I sat looking at him unable to believe my ears. That moment I saw a tear crawl down his cheek. I reached up and wiped it away with my thumb. He closed his hand over mine and smiled weakly. I took both his hands in my lap and began to just stroke them with my fingers. He looked me in the eye and said, “I raped the girl in the bushes and left her, covered in blood up against the wall of some kind of building. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I ran, I didn’t really know what else to do.” He gripped my hand tighter. “That was the end of my ‘attention disorder’. No one ever found out and I never had any problems after that. It’s as if all I wanted was her, she solved all my problems. I just can’t forgive myself for it though because that girl must only of been about 16. I was 18 when that happened and I’ve thought about it everyday for 2 years.” “Did you ever see that girl again?” “No.” He looked down. “Sorry for telling you that. I bet you think I’m a right psycho now don’t you? Especially after the whole staring thing too.” “Um, no it’s ok.” “Thanks” he said. “For listening and not running away. I feel that I can really connect with you.” Just then I got a call on my phone. It was James. I answered it and spoke to him for a minute or so then hung up and turned back to Ed. “Sorry but I’ve got to go back to James. I’ll meet up with you soon though, ok?” “Oh alright.” I stood up, bent down and kissed him on the cheek. “Bye.” He said and I walked out of the door.
-Carly xXx
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Post by the_admin on Jun 18, 2004 4:38:41 GMT -5
Well, that's a bit of a twist! I seriously think it's getting better and better with every post you make!!
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 18, 2004 5:19:15 GMT -5
Thanks Kim!! I took as long as possible walking back to the hostel because my head was going crazy. I couldn’t believe it. The brother of James’ new best mate was the same guy who raped me 2 years ago. As I got to my road I burst into tears. I thought I’d left all that behind me apart from the occasional dreams. Now, every time I saw Ed, I would be reminded of it all. As I walked up the entrance steps to the hostel I saw James in reception talking to one of the guys that worked there. I quickly ducked out of sight and sat on the wall for a minute to sort myself out. I was glad that he hadn’t seen me until I looked up and saw him leaning against the doorframe staring down at me. Again I burst into tears and he knelt down beside me and took my hands in his. “What’s wrong babe?” he asked, looking at me. I was so hysterical that I just couldn’t say anything. I got up and pulled him inside. I wanted to tell him about this when we were in our own room, in privacy. He sat down on the bed and pulled me into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and just cried. In my head I was trying to think about how I could explain this to James. I couldn’t cover it up, he’d know. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” “I miss everything. Like, all of our old life, how we used to be. In bed together, everything’s changed. I miss the parents, the house. I actually miss school. And if we want to get married, how are we going to pay for it? You haven’t spoken to either of the parents for at least a month.” Even though this had been a diversion from the truth, it was all true. “All this crying is because of that?” If only he knew the real reason, I thought. I got up to walk out and he grabbed my wrist and gave a sharp pull backwards. I came flying back to him. His knees hit the side of the bed and he went down, pulling me on top of him. He clasped his hands around my back to hold me still. He looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re not crying because of any of that, not really. Tell me the real reason.” “I can’t.” “Oh, and why not? I know for definite that it ain’t over a minor thing because you hardly ever cry.” “Don’t think you know me so well James. You’ve got no idea how I’m feeling just now. No fucking idea at all.” He let go of me and I sat up on the bed. “Lately you’ve hardly spoken to me at all. You went off with Ed this morning for hours and didn’t tell me and then you come back here acting all secretive, what am I supposed to think? What’s going on?” “Oh, so I get a new male friend and instantly you think I’m off sleeping with him, just because I didn’t ask your permission to go in the first place, right?” “You said it.” I climbed off the bed and stalked towards the door. He was right behind me and as I pulled the door open he slammed it shut and spun me around. “Please talk to me.” I slid down the door and pulled my knees up to my chest. I leant my head down and let the tears fall freely but silently. He sat down beside me in a similar position and stared at me. “What would you be feeling if the world you knew came crashing down around you and something that you tried so hard to forget suddenly comes rushing back up right in front of your face?” “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” “I thought I was through with all the rape business but it seems that now I have to relive it all over again.” “What?” He shouted. “You’ve been raped again? By who? When?” “No, no. Not again, the first time. I found the guy who raped me and I learnt all about how it happened and why.” “Err...?” “Lately things have been going so right for us. I mean, the baby, us engaged, and you in the band. Just everything is how I want it to be. Today I got a huge slap round the face by the news that not only have I found my rapist, I’m going to be seeing a lot more of him then I’d hoped.” “But surely now you can sort this out, ya know, put him to justice.” A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked up at him. “Can’t we?” he almost whispered. -Carly xXx
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Post by the_admin on Jun 18, 2004 6:47:31 GMT -5
Awww *sob*. Really good. Almost crying here... More please!!
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 18, 2004 7:27:49 GMT -5
i gotta go to work in a bit but i'll post more soon!!
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 21, 2004 11:35:49 GMT -5
“No. I don’t want to have to deal with that again. I spoke to Ed today, like about our pasts and just generally learning bits out about him when he started to tell me about something that was wrong with him when he was younger. He told me how; when he was at school he had a minder because he had something like ADD. When he reached 16, they left him alone because they couldn’t find anything wrong with him. He craved attention. When he was 18 he went out and raped a girl. He told me everything. Even how the girl had Blink playing in her CD player when he knocked her down.” “I don’t...” He stammered. “James, I had Blink playing in my CD player when I got knocked down. He said it happened in January 2 years ago, the same time mine did. He saw the girl in an alley, knocked her down, took her to a park and raped her. He said he left her up against a building covered in blood. That’s how you found me James. The cut in my head was from the rock that he brought me down with. Ed raped me James and now I’m going to be seeing him near enough everyday.” I curled up even tighter into a ball and sobbed. James put his arms around my body but I pushed him away. I got up and went over to the bed. I stripped off my clothes and climbed in, even though it was only 8 o’clock. James jumped up and said, “I’m going to deal with that dickhead right now.” He put his hand on the door handle and just as he was about to walk out I said, “If you lay one hand on him or say anything about this to him or anyone, I’ll never speak to you again.” I heard the door close and I thought he’d gone. I jumped slightly when he said, “But I can’t just go on knowing what he did to you. He can’t just get away with it.” “James, please just leave it. I want you to just carry on as before until I’ve thought about if I want to do anything about him. Please don’t do anything, no on behalf. If anything happens to him, it’ll be me who inflicts it upon him. Ok?” “Fine.” He looked down and I motioned for him to join me in bed. He walked over and got undressed in front of me then climbed in and entwined himself around me, making me feel safe. He started whispering in my ear, all about the things we used to get up to when we were younger and it made me smile. I pressed myself up against his muscular frame and my breathing slowed as I fell asleep. * * * I need people to tell me what they think!!! I have written almost all of it now and am just catching up with the typing up part! -Carly xXx
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 21, 2004 12:15:08 GMT -5
Emma’s bump was now growing huge and she only had one month left to go whereas I had 5. My bump was small, but noticeable and James seemed very proud of it. He treated it like it was a child already, rubbing it, listening to it, and looking at it. He’d even started to talk to it. I had been lying awake for some time when I felt him stir and sit up and immediately place his hand on it. I pretended to be asleep to see what he would say, thinking I couldn’t hear him. He started off by saying morning baby and kissing my belly button. “When you’re born, you’re gonna be a gorgeous little baby and I’m gonna give you everything you ever want. We are gonna be the perfect family. I called up your Grandparents yesterday and told them about you and how you’re doing and we started to talk about Mummy and Daddy getting married. Mummy is going to be dressed all in white and everyone is going to stare at her when she walks up the aisle coz she’ll look so beautiful. I am going to be in a tuxedo and you’re Nanny is going to hold you while we exchange our vows. They are going to help us pay for our wedding so that it can be an amazing day for us. We’re gonna go on our honeymoon together and when we come back we’re going to pick you up and live happily ever after.” All this time James had been delicately tracing his fingers over my belly, which was really ticklish. I couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed his hand and sat up. I looked into his eyes and leaned in to kiss him. He pushed his body against me and wrapped his arms around my back. “You’re gonna be the perfect Daddy to this baby.” I whispered in his ear. “I can’t wait ‘til it’s born!” “I’m afraid you have to! I’m not having it for at least another 5 months!” I looked at him and he smiled. “Did the parents really say they would help us pay for our wedding?” “Yeah. As long we promise to let them see the baby whenever they want to!” I laughed. “Before we go away on our honeymoon, we would have sorted out a house for us so that when we come back, we can pick up baby and live together as a little family. I’m going to have got a record deal and then I can take of my family properly. I love you.” I stared at him before raising an eyebrow. “You’re going soft.” I laughed. “What happened to you thinking you could take out Ed?” “Well I don’t wanna do anything that could upset you, do I?” “Oh, how considerate! I thought it was coz you realised that Ed could flatten you!” He mimicked shock for all of about 2 seconds before he pulled me into his arms where we laid back together, content with how we were.
-Carly xXx
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Post by the_admin on Jun 21, 2004 13:00:40 GMT -5
AWW!!!!! That talking tot he baby really made me laugh for some reason, lmao. It's REALLY good and I can't wait for the next bit. TYPE TYPE TYYYYYYYYYYYYPEEEE! I DEMAND YOUUUUUUUU! Ahem *flattens hair with hand* Sorry for that
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 21, 2004 13:38:24 GMT -5
A couple of weeks passed and we were so happy just being together. Ed had kept trying to make passes at me when we were out but I ignored them and he kind of got the picture. But when he got extremely drunk one night and fell into me, he managed to kiss me. James saw and was not best pleased. He wouldn’t even believe me when I said that Ed had kissed me because he was drunk. It became difficult when he refused to talk to me in the room. I managed to develop a hate for him for not believing me so I was ok with the situation of silence. When we were in the room together the tension was very high. He kept looking down on me as if I was a slapper. I got up one morning to go to work and after a few days of me not talking to him, he seemed ready to make up. As I was trying to get changed he got up and weaved his hands around my waist. “Come on. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even thought that you would do that, especially not with him. Forgive me?” He asked. I pulled on my T-Shirt, turned around to face him and stared him straight in the eyes. “Fuck off JB.” I grabbed my bag and broke away from him. I walked to work thinking about ‘What if I split up with him even though I was carrying his child? What would we do about the baby? When should I make up with him- or if I even should’. I was torn from my thoughts when my boss said “Hi” as she opened the door and let me in H+M. It was a Monday and being a generally quiet day I went out into the storage room just to “look for a top” when all I wanted to do was cry. I sat down on a chair and just wept. I heard the door handle go and cursed under my breath, quickly wiping my eyes as I got up to unlock it. As soon as I’d opened it James pushed his way into the room and locked the door behind him. “What are you doing?” I asked. “You’re not supposed to...” He cut me off with a kiss. I went weak at the knees as I felt his hands on my back. I moaned softly into his mouth as I felt his erection at my groin. I pulled back from him and looked up and said, “You’re seriously mistaken if you think you are going to have sex with me in the storage room!” “I’m really sorry for not believing you about the whole Ed thing.” “It’s ok, but look, I really have to get back to work.” I moved to go and unlock the door when he saw the tear stains on my cheek. “Why have you been crying?” “I haven’t. “ I said, looking down at the floor. He walked up to me and cupped my face in his hands. He rubbed my cheeks and I looked up at him. I placed my hands over his and pulled them away. “Please James. Leave it.” He tensed up and moved away from me. I stood with my back to the door, looking at the floor so that he couldn’t catch my eye. He walked towards the door without touching me. “I’ll be back for you at 4, when you finish.” He closed the door behind himself as he left. Right, I’ve got 3 hours to pull myself together then. In those 3 hours I had served 4 people at the tills and sorted out numerous racks of clothes. It was quite boring really but the music we play there is good so I sang along and danced when no one else was around. Soon enough, 4 o’clock came and James was stood just inside the entrance door waiting for me.
-Carly xXx
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Post by Matt's_Muffin! on Jun 21, 2004 13:42:47 GMT -5
Kim you psycho!!! Carly it is really good I love it!! ;D
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 21, 2004 13:51:42 GMT -5
Just a little bit before I go to bed!
I quickly said goodbye to my boss and walked over to him. He took my hand and we walked down the street in silence. I wasn’t really concentrating on where I was going but was soon brought back to life when my hand was jerked sideways. I walked behind James, still gripping his hand as we were shown to a table in a restaurant. We sat down and I just stared at James. He ordered drinks for us and we started to talk about the things that had been getting to us lately. I kept spacing out because of staring at him. The room was quite dark and candles, bar a couple of lights on the walls, mostly lighted it. There was one inbetween us and I found myself noticing how soft his features went in the candlelight. I sat smiling to myself when I thought about him being mine. After eating and chatting for ages, we decided to leave at about 9. We wondered through the streets for a while and as we passed one of our regular pubs, we met Matt, Emma, Charlie, Ed, and Kim, one of Charlie’s mates, who I swear kept giving James the eye. Emma saw me and insisted we go to a club with them for the rest of the night. She said it was just around the corner and promised we would have fun. James had already said he wanted to go so I added, “I guess that’s me in too then” with a smile. We found a table over in the corner and all got settled down. Just as I sat down, Emma grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We’d been there dancing for quite a while when I thought ‘God, I bet we look a right pair- 2 pregnant girls dancing together in the middle of a packed club.’ We were both too young to even be allowed in but because we were with the guys, pub and club owners tended to not mind. I felt a pair of hands clamp onto my hips from behind me and because I thought it would be James, I leaned back into his frame and danced sexily pressing our bodies together. I was turned around and came face to face with Ed. I instantly tried to pull away but his hold on me was quite strong. He leaned down and practically rammed his tongue down my throat before I could say anything.
-Carly xXx
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Post by the_admin on Jun 22, 2004 4:32:51 GMT -5
Well done!! *claps* *notices the 'Kim'* I god damn HOPE you're not referring to me, young lady, because I wouldn't ever even TRY to steal your man away. Tsk. As for Debbie calling me psycho (sp), I KNOW! HA! Actually, come to think of it, I think I'm known as that around here
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Post by Bitch*Goddess on Jun 22, 2004 6:24:18 GMT -5
LOL!
I moved back and pulled him to the other side of the club away from the others. “What the hell are you playing at?” I practically shouted at him. “I thought this is what you wanted, I mean just now you were dancing with me and you always seem up for it when we’re together, like always stroking my hand and having your hands on my leg and that.” “Err, I’m engaged to marry James. I’m carrying his child, does that not say something to you?” “So how come you always just happened to be available when I called you to meet up?” “I was being a friend to you. No more. No less. But seeing as we’re on the subject of our meetings up, I’ve got a bit of news for you Ed.” “What you on about?” “You know that girl you raped, well, that girl was 14 and not 16 and she was innocent until you took her virginity and left her covered in blood. You have no idea just how scared she was.” “What? Who...?” “Ed.” I shouted. “It was me you raped 2 years ago for fucks sake. I couldn’t believe it when you told me all the details; it matched my rape perfectly even down to the fact that I had Blink playing in my CD player when I walked through the alley. You screwed me up back then and a kiss from you now makes me feel violently sick. I fucking hate you. At least now I know what kind of guy it took to do that to a child. Do you realise that I’d never even kissed a boy before that night? Knowing that you were my first in everything makes me hate you all the more. I can’t even bear to be in the same room as you, let alone have your hands on me and you tongue in my mouth. Leave me alone. From now on.” I walked away from him and pushed through the people on the dance floor to get to James. I picked up my jacket and whispered in his ear, “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you back at the hostel when you’re done here.” “No babe, come on, stay for a bit longer, please?” “I can’t.” I said and walked out of the club. It only took about 5 minutes to walk back to the hostel where I decided to quickly pack up a bag of some clothes and other necessities. Even though it was late, I called home to tell James’ mum that I would be back tomorrow sometime.
-Carly xXx
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Post by the_admin on Jun 22, 2004 6:32:54 GMT -5
Good on ya girl! YOU TELL HIM!
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Post by Kolakube on Jun 22, 2004 10:37:55 GMT -5
MORE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked for a comment, so you got a comment!!!!!
Your wish is my command.
And you have to make me have the ickle baby soon goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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