Post by Bitch*Goddess on May 9, 2004 12:55:12 GMT -5
At home, things had definitely changed about me. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust James’ dad, I was more than grateful to him helping me but I just felt slightly panicky and insecure around any other guys but James, and I didn’t like being left in a room on my own with him. James had temporarily moved into my room because I had begun to have nightmares and he was the only one who could console me.
That event had changed me, I was only 14 when I had been raped and it had made my ambitions more like longings that had to be fulfilled. I kept thinking about “next times”, like, “What if next time that happens I don’t survive?” No matter what anyone said to me, those thoughts never left my mind.
* * *
One ambition I had had since I was younger was that I would travel, first around the UK, then around Europe, and then go to the States and Australia. I’d shared this with James a lot when we were growing up. It’s what’s made me go on; knowing I always had my dreams.
It took a while for me to get back to normal in the real world. I didn’t go to school for a few months because I was paranoid people were talking about me behind my back and planning things against me. But after a while of counselling and getting back into my old routine. Things turned around and I gradually turned back to my normal self.
At 16, as a birthday present, James had brought me a year train pass around the UK; I could travel anywhere, at anytime for the whole year. He also had one for himself. I jumped up and down. I hadn’t been this happy for a long time. In my excitement of jumping and hugging and crying and screaming, I kissed James. I was so shocked at myself that I went to pull back almost immediately. What surprised me even more was that he pushed himself against me until we were sharing a full on passionate kiss.
-Carly xXx
That event had changed me, I was only 14 when I had been raped and it had made my ambitions more like longings that had to be fulfilled. I kept thinking about “next times”, like, “What if next time that happens I don’t survive?” No matter what anyone said to me, those thoughts never left my mind.
* * *
One ambition I had had since I was younger was that I would travel, first around the UK, then around Europe, and then go to the States and Australia. I’d shared this with James a lot when we were growing up. It’s what’s made me go on; knowing I always had my dreams.
It took a while for me to get back to normal in the real world. I didn’t go to school for a few months because I was paranoid people were talking about me behind my back and planning things against me. But after a while of counselling and getting back into my old routine. Things turned around and I gradually turned back to my normal self.
At 16, as a birthday present, James had brought me a year train pass around the UK; I could travel anywhere, at anytime for the whole year. He also had one for himself. I jumped up and down. I hadn’t been this happy for a long time. In my excitement of jumping and hugging and crying and screaming, I kissed James. I was so shocked at myself that I went to pull back almost immediately. What surprised me even more was that he pushed himself against me until we were sharing a full on passionate kiss.
-Carly xXx